I Am A Writer

My favorite thing is getting people's reactions.

"Oh, you're a writer? How nice."

Yeah, it's really nice. It's really nice when I get thrown onto the pile of "Ha, good luck" careers.

Writers, dancers, musicians, artists, actors, singers. It's the same for all of us. We get laughed at behind our backs because what we love is considered a "nice dream".

It's a struggle. It's a terrible struggle that leaves me feeling hopeless a lot of the time. I write, but it's terrible, sometimes downright laughable. My writing, though it has progressed a lot during the past few years of school still sucks. Honestly.

But there's one person who thinks otherwise. Sometimes, it's two or three people who think otherwise. And that makes a difference. It makes a difference in how I perceive my own writing. I begin to realize that, hey, maybe it is all right and it's not a piece of $#%^.

It's like when I started writing for myself. I realized that I could write whatever the hell I want and nobody can say anything about it because it belongs to me, and that's okay.

Steven Moffat has said that the only way to write is to write for yourself. He's gotten a lot of hate for it because he's the head writer of Doctor Who, and fans want to see a lot on the show.

At first I didn't understand why he said that, but now I do because that really is the only way to write. To let it all be for myself, rather than for someone else. Sure, I write things for people sometimes, but I'm still in charge and whatever they want to see will happen, but I'm the one guiding it, so it may not happen how they'd like it to.

I don't really know how well I'm going to progress with what I want to do. But I don't want to write a book anymore. I've done that. Yeah, it was a horrible book, but I did what I had planned to do before I turned sixteen. I wrote a damn book.

Am I going to let people read it? Sure, but not my parents. I'll let my friends take it and pick it apart and laugh at me because I even laugh at how it was definitely the "next Twilight". There's no vampires or werewolves in the book, but the plot took a back seat to the romance, and that's something I shouldn't have done. But I wrote it, and I'm really proud of that.

Now, I write smatterings of everything. A little poetry, a little bit of fiction, a little non-fiction, a lot of journaling. It feels so amazing to get the words on paper and to just write and let it all flow out of me.

Maybe someday I'll write a memoir. I've already started it, and it's been a struggle. But the reward of realizing that someday people might read it and say, "wow, I really look up to her," is enough to keep me going for the sweet taste of victory.

But maybe I won't ever get published. That's okay, as long as I'm doing what I love.

And what I love is writing.